Employed
by Beverly Rollwagen

She just wants to be employed for eight hours a day,
She is not interested in a career,
She wants a job with a paycheck and free parking
She does not want to carry a briefcase filled with important papers
to read after dinner.
She does not want to return phone calls.
When she gets home she wants to kick off her shoes and waltz around her kitchen singing,
“I am a piece of work.”

(I transcribed it.. so the punctuation might be off.. but it fits how I feel today)

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Night
by Tabitha

She finds her thoughts,
troublesome.
Night is not her friend,
bothersome,
Hunting, dreaming, slaying,
needsome,
Night has become an enemy.

Now she wonders,
(worries is better)
if she did the right thing,
(correct is better),
She misses his face,
(longs for is better),
The one he can’t even see.

Night brings doubt,
painful,
And pushes courage,
needful,
She hasn’t time to wish,
pitiful,
There’s no prince
sorrowful.
No happily ever after.

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It’s My Fault

by Tabitha

Rain falling on the ground.

Silence is the only sound,

That my heart will ever hear,

whenever you’re not near.

It’s not your fault I’m alone,

Closer than the telephone,

Yet foolish pride is my shame

and emptiness resounds my blame.

Chorus:

It’s my fault,

My mistake,

My choice,

Alone to make,

Here without you,

Be my side.

Close the door,

I realize

You’re gone.

Pain enters deep within,

I ache to feel your touch again,

Whisper to me sweet and low,

Baby I love to see you glow.

Why did I walk away,

What was my downfall today?

Was it pride, jealousy?

Or maybe just simply me?

(Chorus)

Midnight comes without a sound,

Can’t believe you’re not around.

I desire peace within,

Lord, please save me from this sin.

Purify and make me whole,

Restore to me a hundred fold.

I’m lost without you here again.

Take a step and bring me in.

(Chorus)

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Craving An Audience
by Tabitha

The master artist,
spins words,
tells stories,
dreams dreams.

I watch,
wait,
baited breath
expelling.

Within me inspiration
beckons me to act,
I try to spin,
tell and dream.

I stand,
speak,
clumsy words,
telling.

No one listens,
or responds,
my anger grows,
my heart falls.

I crave,
want,
pretty pictures
crumbling.

I crave an audience,
but why?

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The Desert

You really think I want to be here?
Wandering in a pile of sand.
There’s empty stretches of nothing.
Yet you lick your lips dripping with moisture.

Your words are mocking, even if you don’t intend them to be,
There’s plenty of water! Come! Drink!
You think I desire this place?
I desire my lips to be cracked with need?

I know there’s a fountain, gushing with life,
My only hope is that there is one.
If not, then I’d bury myself in the sand.
Bringing an end to this torture.

I was once there, you know,
I used to drink freely and deeply of the water.
Taking for granted it would always be there,
Now you’re the one gorging yourself on plenty.

My tongue demands relief,
So much so that I can’t think of much else.
I wish for relief and cry freely to the sky.
At this point there is no pretense or formality.

The sand seems to be the only thing I know,
The only reality I face is sand, sand and more sand.
Don’t shake your head like that,
You have no idea where I am or why.

You say it’s because I’ve lost the compass,
Or the map, or my guide,
In fact I have all those things, yet I still thirst.
My heart longs for home – but its very far away.

You walk away in disgust,
Judgement sealed – I have never tasted the fountain.
You are everything I hate about home,
Everything that makes me to never want to return.

Do you really think I want to be in this desert?
If I could find a rope, a ladder, a stairway to climb
I’d be rid of this place forever,
But my only comfort is the sand.

(Inspired by Saturday Night’s conversation on “Thirst”)

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today.
by Tabz

today I’m not happy
not sad
or lonely or bitter
or angry or mad.

today I’m not hopeful
not eager
or down cast or polyamorous
or strangly odeferious.

today I’m not supensful
not amazing
or brillant or stupid
or peaceful or upset.

today is a dot
in the journal of my life.

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When I’m Not Myself
by Tabitha

here it goes
another side
of the unexpressiable me

do you love it
hate it
do you even care?

here it goes
another ache
of the unexpressible heart.

do you notice it
shake it
make it better with a kiss?

here it goes
another crawling
of my unexpressible skin

do I wish for more
feel it
wish I was someone else?

here it goes
another piecing
of my unexpressible thoughts

do you even wish to see
understand it
love me when I’m not myself.

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Oh I’m just the soundgirl
pay no attention to me
I didn’t write poems
of roo in a tree.

Oh I’m just the soundgirl,
I play music I love,
I can’t believe I’m writing
poetry like Dove.

Oh I’m just the soundgirl,
Xanga wars have me blue,
Laughter is cool,
but I want some love too.

Oh I’m just the soundgirl,
I’m doing stuff for church,
not for my class Luke,
don’t you enjoy that lurch?

Oh I’m just the soundgirl,
Andy makes me laugh,
Most people miss me,
while I’m plying my craft.

Oh I’m just the soundgirl
too busy for myself,
I get caught up working,
and designing with stealth.

Oh I’m just the soundgirl,
someday it’ll be true,
you’ll think of me and media,
‘cuz you know how we do.

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Silence is Golden
by Tabz

There’s a piece of Heaven
Somewhere in Missouri
Carved in wooden form,
Sitting humbly, necessity.

Well worn from use,
You wouldn’t know,
God met here daily,
Or angels were near.

If I were to design
Such a location,
Golden light would
Flood the room.

But God designed
This sweet piece of bliss,
Humble, unknowing,
a simple kitchen table.

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California
by Tabz

California wishes flood my mind.
I long and earnestly seek
A time to return to my roots.
A longing so deep I can taste it.

Laugh if you wish and sneer.
California is my homeland,
Too long sequestered in the Midwest
I long for blue skies and palm trees.

I’m from the city of angels
No I’m not tan or a movie star
Never owned Parada or Gucci,
But I grew up under the sun.

It’s impossible to express my desire,
to someone who doesn’t know
California dream while awake
Take me home sweet freeway…

Take me home.

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