MERRY CHRISTMAS from Tabz, Myboyfriend (Machu) and Jack!

Since I sent out Christmas cards, but no letters this year I figured I’d make a paperless Christmas letter. This has been a pretty crazy year, I can’t really believe it’s almost the end of 2011. Here’s what’s been going on in the life of Tabz.

1. I graduated with my Masters from Wilkes University. I started the program back in January 2010 and it’s hard to believe this January will be my last trip out to Wilkes-Barre, PA. I was part of a low-residency Creative Writing Program and am finishing up work on an MFA (which is slightly different than the MA I already received). My thesis was a YA novel called “The Wrong House” and, thanks to my fantastic mentor, Nina Solomon, I got the thing done. Now I’m finishing up an actual thesis on vampires as heroes in modern culture and will be doing an internship for the next six months and graduate with my MFA (Lord willing) next June.

This is my bound thesis (and Igor, since he’s in the novel):

2. I wrote another book – Machu the Cat is Very Hungry. This is the follow up book to my first one “Jack the Kitten is Very Brave” and both can be found on Amazon.

3. I’ve spoken with five different schools about my books. It’s really awesome to go into an elementary school and talk about my kids books. The kids love the books and I hear stories about how they’ve been going around the house saying pirate-y things like “Argggh” and “Walk the plank” because of “Jack the Kitten is Very Brave.” I even have two large stacks of fan mail because of my school trips.

4. I went to Colorado and Utah. I visited my awesome friends Kim (Colorado) and Heidi (Utah) and had a blast (even though I got a horrible head cold). It’s the first time I’ve ever went in a hot water tub in the middle of the snow.

5. I moved. This part wasn’t super awesome, but the way God worked it out was awesome. Our landlord in San Pedro had been super nice to us since Dad and I have both been unemployed for a long time, but she needed the place back. So, after a couple months of searching, we finally found a great place in La Puente thanks to an old friend from our church that I grew up in. It really made life hectic though trying to write a novel, a thesis and move! Big huge thanks to Lisa, Liane, Dan and Terin who showed up along with several of Dad’s friends to help us move.

6. Lisa and Tabz get lost in LA.. a lot. One of my podcast friends moved out here in January and we’ve been having a blast doing things together in LA. We’ve been to “Pirates Dinner Adventure Theater,” a movie screening, a taping of a pilot directed by Neil Patrick Harris, “The Thrilling Adventure Hour” (an audio drama theater experience) with folks like Nathan Fillion and Joshua Malina, the movies (Pirates/Thor the same day even), the beach, a long Buffy filming locations tour with Laura (from Canada), Dan and Terin, Universal Studios City Walk (with Liane, Paige, and it was Dan/Terin’s first date), The Hammer Improv show with Felicia Day, Jeff Lewis and Sandeep Park, a little theater in Torrence to see a really funny murder/mystery play, a Doctor Who convention, a Castle convention — whew, it’s been a busy year.

7. I turned 30. And, yes, I’m still awesome.

8. I joined The Daniel Plan with our church and lost 30lbs. And still working on losing more. That’s the rents and I with Austin from “The Biggest Loser.”

9. I’m working as a TA for Ashford University. It’s a part-time, online job where I grade a lot of papers, but I’m really enjoying it. I still don’t have a full-time job and money gets super tight, but God has been good and keeping my head mostly above water. With the help of some of my friends I made it through a super rough time earlier this year. Thank you to everyone who helped pay our rent.

10. I’ve been knitting a whole bunch. It’s been fun to pick up knitting (I started last January). For graduation gifts I knitted everyone in my class a scarf. I tried to match their personalities and tastes, I think I did pretty well. Since we don’t have a lot of money this Christmas it’s been a super hand-made Christmas!

11. I got to go to New York City! I crossed off one of the things on my bucket list (go to every major city in the US). I went to New York before attending class this June at Wilkes because two of my classmates had their plays read by professional actors in NYC. My awesome friend Cristina let me stay with her and we took the bus up to New York for the day. It was a blast. Now to try and mark off my other travel bucket list items (go to every state and go to England and visit Emma).

So it’s been a crazy year and I’m hoping 2012 brings many more awesome things and a full-time job. This going 2 years without a full-time pay check is for the birds. Know that I love you all and hope you have a fanTABZulous Christmas.

Love,

Tabz

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Recently a school friend, Amye, posted a “Goodbye Letter” to gradschool (the same program I’m in). I’ve been thinking about it a lot recently, especially in light of my own hopeful graduation this June. In the letter Amye touches on how fantastic it is to go to residency (we go once in January and once in June during the course of our program). There’s a certain feeling you get when you’re at the program. Within four or five days of my first residency in Jan of 2010 I had a classroom full of friends. For the most part people who I’d probably never associate with (no offense guys), but who I love and think of often despite our differences.

But why? What is the “magic” that makes such things possible? Is it Wilkes-Barre, PA? Heck no. No offense to the good people of Wilkes-Barre, but if I never have to see snow again in my life it’ll be too soon. Several members of my cohort and I nearly froze to death trying to find the Creative Writing office our first day. It’s not the town.

Is it the program? Honestly, no. As wonderful as my professors and mentors are, I was (and still) l am burned out with “school.” I have to talk myself into sitting in classes all day, every day we’re there.

Then, as I was watching Supernatural, it hit me. The reason I love going to Wilkes is the same reason I love being a fangirl and going to conventions. Do I love the massive amounts of crowds? No. Do I like the ticket prices? No. Do I love sleeping crammed into a room full of a bunch of other people? No. The reason I go to conventions and try to hang out with fans as much as possible is because that’s where I feel less insane.

I’ve felt slightly freakish since jr. high summer camp when I was having a conversation with some of the “cool” kids and I included in my response a $20 word. I can’t remember the word, I know I picked it up from reading Sherlock Holmes, but the kid just balked at me when I said it. I remember feeling so out of place in that moment. It was the same feeling I got when I talked with my older cousins. I knew I didn’t fit, but I didn’t understand why. You just feel… different.

Then, flash-forward, to the day I met my bestfriend in college, Andrew, and Mark and Allan. They were interested in making movies, outside of our normal college homework. They made me feel less freakish. I fell in love with my geek side and knew, beyond a doubt, that I wasn’t as different as people made it out to be.

If you stop and think about it, being a writer and being a geek aren’t too far off. You isolate yourself, on purpose. You sit and you type (or hand-write) stories. You work hard in the dark (not the literal dark, mom, if you’re reading this I’m not killing my eyesight). It’s not until months, maybe years later that someone will read and maybe appreciate your work (odds are they’ll never fully grasp how long and how hard you worked to bring it to life). You obsess over little details, things no one else would notice. You long for acceptance. Tell me I’m not crazy. I’m not crazy for spending hard-earned money on a new piece of tech that will make my writing better. Convince me that I’m not insane for switching careers to become a full-time writer or a teacher. These are two of the most-sought-after jobs in the country.

Then you hit that convention or you go to Wilkes’ residency and you realize, with a sigh of relief, you’re not crazy. There’s a roomful of people who are being crazy with you. So, in June when I’m at residency I’m going to try and remember that these times are precious and few. Not every day is ComicCon or WriterCon. You’ve got to hold on to the time you have there while you’re still sane. And carry out with you the idea that you’re not as crazy as when you came in.

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It’s been a long time since I sat down to really blog. And I mean blog in the sense of “here I am telling you how I feel”. Don’t ask me why, but for the past couple years it’s been hard. Part of it is this feeling of being scrutinized by people that I potentially work with or do business with. Somehow the idea of being professional online is huge and who wants your next boss reading about how you cried over the last stick of gum being gone from your purse? (Okay, I didn’t really do that, but it’s the first thing that popped into my head when I was thinking of ridiculous situations).

Plus, I’m horrible at emotions. I don’t often know why I feel a certain way and can go on blatantly unaware of how my feelings are effecting me. Of course, this all collides horribly with my sensitivity to emotional situations. I feel physically ill when tense or angry situations arise. A nice, happy place can have me mellow in minutes. It’s hard for me to express how I’m feeling without making someone else really upset, so I usually refrain from doing so (which usually makes for a worse situation in the long run).

So all of this, plus my busy schedule of late, has kept me from blogging and podcasting on fanTABZulous. Yet this week the emotions just seem way to close to the surface to deal with without putting fingers to keys. Not because I want to gossip about anything in particular, but just because the very act of saying I’ve got some crap to deal with makes it easier.

None of it is huge, well maybe losing my job was huge but more in the “dealing with money” area and even that isn’t as bad as it could be.

All of this to say.. yeah. Personal blogging should make a return. I’m not sure if it will, but it should.

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So I’m contemplating going for my masters (again). I had started a Masters program at Moody (where I went to undergrad), but stopped because the classes were way too similar to my undergrad (in fact, I used some of the same papers with some light revisions).

Now, my end goal is to someday teach college level writing and English. So I’ve been tossing around in my mind (since college) getting an MA in Creative Writing or English. But I always stop at the sticker shock.

See, Moody Bible Institute, where I went for undergrad is tuition free for undergrad students. So when I consider spending more than I make in one year on a semester of classes I kind of choke.

But now I’m toying with the idea again for next year. At least doing a couple classes and working at it. Of course, I read a bunch of “everyone wants to be a writing professor”. Apparently it’s the same as “everyone wants to be a writer.”

So, I’m not sure what to think. I’ve decided that there has to be an easier way then all this fuss.

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I’m bringing doofus back. The 60′s slang term for idiot, dummy, whatever. I’m bringing it back.

I know what you’re thinking. It’s not a nice word. But, let me explain.

Last Christmas we went up to our friends’ house. The Mooses (not really their name, but you get the idea). They have 5 kids, and the youngest, Benji is a fairly precocious child. We were decorating sugar cookies when Ben dropped one. Being of a sensitive nature he was very upset and threw himself on one of the nearby couches and would not be consoled. As we rescued the cookie and cleaned up the icing on the floor he jabbers away at himself, bemoaning his situation. At one point he wails, “I’m such a doofus!”

Now, to this day, his mother has no idea where Benji learned the word “doofus”. But it’s tickled my parents and I so much that now we quote Benji at opportune times. Such as playing Canasta and throwing the wrong card. Or forgetting something in the kitchen.

But now I’ve been saying it outside of the family. I couldn’t recall the name of one of the writers of Dollhouse – “I’m such a doofus!”

So yes, doofus is coming back, but only in reference to myself and my silly stupidity.

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There’s probably no word my friends hear more from me than “tired”. Well, that and “fantastic” or “awesome”.

I don’t know if it’s stress, not sleeping well, or my weight that makes me so tired, but it’s getting ridiculous. Not only do I feel tired, I feel -really- tired. To the point where I just want to go to bed at 8pm.

I’m going to attempt to start doing Yoga and exercising again, hopefully that will help somewhat, but even when I was exercising more frequently I felt tired all the time.

We’ll see what happens.

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I’m stressed this week. So you get another LOL cat from ICanHazaCheeseburger.com

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I was surfing around the blogosphere today and found this awesome comic/blog Dead Robot.

The latest post was about “issues” this blogger has. It made me laugh so I thought I’d make my own list.

1. I really can’t sleep with socks on.

2. My entire house can be trashed, but I must have a clean toilet

3.  I doodle in meetings

4. I never screw caps back on all the way unless I make a conscious effort to

5. If I see red while shopping I have to go out of my way to see what it is

6. I start listening to podcasts from the latest episode. Unlike a lot of people who start at 1 and go on.

7. I really can’t stand Dr. Phil – even if it’s a commercial on mute I have to switch the channel.

I’m sure there’s more, but that’s all I can think of right now.

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So I started the new job this week. Of course, with bumping up my schedule at work, that means it came at the absolute busiest time of the audio drama – BBTL. We ended auditions this week and are voting on some of the roles that had multiple *really* good canadates. Plus, the second drafts of the scripts were due and one of my writers (for the middle episode) had his computer conk out. So now I’m going through and editing all the scripts.

I’m also working on some web stuff for church, a powerpoint presentation for my dad’s birthday party and finishing up a website. Add on the LiveJournal comms I moderate and I’ve been on the computer almost 24/7.

Thankfully I have a great support team both at home and with the BBTL and LJ comms. These people keep me going and sane! I’m not sure what I’d do without Kim, Emma and others.

I also adore my new co-worker Jess. She’s funny, smart and fun to be with. That’s a huge thing for me. If I can’t stand the people I work with – then why even work there? That’s part of the reason I stayed so long at my last job – I loved the people.

In other news – I get lots of good vibes from my friends. Dani, Kim, Emma… you’re the best!

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I realized the other day that I have a weird mix of friends. Not that that’s bad, it just struck me as interesting.

Now, with the college friends and the move to LA, my friends are scattered far and wide, but if I ever got them all in a room together – that would be weird.

I guess that’s the weirdness you get when you go to most people’s weddings. Everyone knows the bride or groom (or both) but rarely do you know the other people. I tried to picture my friends together and, for the most part, I think they’d enjoy each other – but some of them I *know* would be going “you’re friends with… him?”

The number one quality of most of my friends is that make me laugh. I’m not sure why that is true of all of them, but they can all make me laugh. Maybe it’s because I associate good things with times when I laugh. Best friend Andrew? He can make me laugh with one word. Trust me, he can. Most of those people I can make laugh too. My good friend Naomi adores my sarcastic sense of humor (which only increases the amount of sarcasm in my humor when I’m with her).

Then there’s the classification of friends I haven’t met yet, but feel incredibly close to.  These people span the globe from Colorado, to England, to New York. Someone needs to invent a transporter so I can hang out with these people.

Another quality of my friends? They’re all very giving. When I was out of cash due to bringing my sister to Chicago my friends Merrie, Nichole, John and others all sacrificially gave money to help us out. When I needed to move, there was always a weird conglomeration of friends to help out. When I was sick my friends who lived about an hour away offered to go grocery shopping for me (the store was a block away from my apartment).

I might have some weird friends.. but they totally rock.

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